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Stage 3: I am helping
You've been involved in your care recipient's care for two to five years. Your involvement is almost daily--if not constant. Your care recipient may live with you--or your involvement means that your day is structured to be available to your care recipient. You begin to wonder, how much longer can you live this way? Your mood is sometimes upbeat--you're proud you've been able to provide such wonderful care and make decisions that support your care recipient's best wishes--and sometimes melancholy--why you? You've been mourning the loss of your care recipient's abilities and functions and often long for the days before caregiving. And, you're tired.
Stage 3 Keyword: Receive
Receive help--from anyone who offers; receive breaks from caregiving; receive support.
Your Purpose During Stage 3:
To develop a routine, create a familiar schedule for both yourself and your care recipient. A routine will help you deal with the overwhelming stresses and responsibilities that wear you out. A routine will provide comfort for you and your care recipient--this stage may be the most difficult for both of you. The changes you prepared for in Stage 1 and 2 are now a reality--you have become something of a lifeline to a family member or friend.
Some steps you can take during Stage 3:
1. Determine your limits.
How long can your care recipient remain at home? What's your comfort level in providing care in your home? For instance, some caregivers feel uncomfortable providing care when their care recipients become incontinent. Others determine they can provide care at home as long as Medicare or insurance benefits offset some of the home care expenses. Others feel that they can provide care as long as their other family members, like spouses and adult children, will put up with it.
But, everyone has limits. What are yours?
2. Continue regular breaks.
Consider annual weekly breaks--investigate short-term respite stays in your community's nursing homes. Or, ask relatives to take over the caregiving role for a week or two every year or every two years. Continue to take daily, weekly and monthly breaks. Keep up with your own interests and hobbies as best you can.
3. Keep up with a support system--a caregiver's support group or empathetic and understanding family members or friends.
4. Continue to learn about your care recipient's illness or condition.
What's next for your care recipient? Are you up to the next stages in his or her illness?
5. Start a second journal that you use to detail your care recipient's needs and your caregiving responsibilities.
Note any changes in your care recipient's health and condition so that you can confidently discuss your concerns during physician appointments. Continue to chronicle your caregiving journey in your first journal. What causes you to mourn?
Stage 1. I may help a relative soon.
Stage 2: I am beginning to help.
Stage 3: I am helping.
Stage 4: I am still helping!
Stage 5: My role is changing.
Stage 6: My caregiving has ended.